Wake Up Dorothy, The Wizard Can't Get You Back To Kansas

With two young children at home with me every day, TV watching time is at a premium. Every now and then around 4pm, the nap gods smile on me, and I have the chance to tune into the boob tube for 30 minutes or so. Occasionally, I land on Judge Judy. I know, I know, you hate her, you love her, you hate to love her. Usually, I think she's spot on.

Within the many years she's been dolling out legal judgements and dispensing tough and cutting advise, there has been an all-too-common scenario in her courtroom. The plaintiff, a young and pretty woman (stage right) is suing the defendant, her ex-boyfriend, a weaselly looking guy (stage left) for loans she made to him for a motorcycle, unpaid rent, and bail money she paid to get him out of jail. She's really suing for emotional damages. It is so common an occurrence that even the Honorable Judy has stopped to take notice. Often, the young woman leaves with little more than a firm scolding for her foolishness in having ignored the warning signs, and the suggestion that she count herself lucky to be out of the relationship and learn from her mistakes.

So what is this all about? Despite the huge strides made by womankind over the last several decades, many young women still find themselves the victims of slimy, dishonest, and selfish men. The men haven't changed either, nor have their age-old manipulative tactics. When will these young women wise up? More importantly perhaps is the question, "Why do they get into these kind of situations to begin with?"

In the last week I've learned the stories of two young women. Both young, smart, and beautiful. Both deliberately heading down paths to heartache and strife. The facts are there. The writing on the wall is in bold and brilliant red. "DO NOT TRESPASS", it says. But there they go, like Dorothy down the yellow brick road, believing that the Great OZ will deliver them safely home to love and happiness. But Dorothy had little reason to doubt the Wizard's abilities; she didn't know he was a fraud until pulling back the curtain. But these women, they know, and they ignore what their own common sense tells them.

Unlike Dorothy, these women try desperately to transform OZ into the Wizard he could be. They're certain they can love him enough to make him the deliverer of their dreams. Even the unbelievably naive Dorothy didn't think that. Why do they?

The only conclusion I can come to is that they are trying to fill a void. A hole inside of them created by various circumstances and misfortunes in their childhood. A disconnected or absent father (or mother), abuse, neglect, lack of encouragement, etc. Whatever the cause the consequence is the same. They feel incomplete, unlovable, unworthy... empty. They believe that love is the answer, and the more difficult and painful the acquisition of that love, the better. They are saving themselves by saving someone else. And it never, ever works. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that people can change. I just don't believe that people can be changed by other people. It must come from within. So not only can these women not change the men they're with, even if (in some alternate universe) they could change them, it would never fill the hole they have. Again, that change must come from within. Here's where it goes even more awry. These women with holes in their hearts and lives, try to fill them with a vacuum. A living, breathing, unemployed, credit-wrecking, pot-smoking, law-breaking, vacuum. When all is said and done and these women have spent years of their life trying to press doo doo into diamonds, what they're left with is an even bigger hole than what they started with and usually an empty wallet too.

I hope these two lovely young women remember that in the end, Dorothy made it home by her own doing. The Great OZ didn't even have a car, or a real job, or any other trick in his booth that would bring Dorothy closer to her dreams. Dorothy just needed to click her heels and wake up.