The Wisdom of Strangers

I sat on the lightrail train yesterday with may 1 year old daughter on my lap, headed to a local arts festival. A few seats down sat three women representing three generations. The eldest, perhaps in her mid to late 50's, sat across from her traveling companion who was all of about 18. I wasn't privy to much of their conversation but at one point the older woman chuckled and said "Oh, I really enjoyed my 20's!" The 18 year old said something I couldn't hear and then the woman said, "I think the key is to enjoy being a human being at every age."
Hmmm. A bit of wisdom from a stranger on a train?

Earlier in the week I met a friend at the library and told her about How To End Up A Butterfly. Without hesitation and full of exasperated regret, she began recalling to me how she had given up a full volleyball scholarship to a major university to chase boys and get high.

Back to the woman on the train. How did she spend her twenties, and what did she really mean when she said she 'enjoyed' them? Did she 'enjoy' her twenties in the same ways that had caused my friend regret? In the end I guess it comes down to what you believe your 20's are worth. Do you value that time as a platform to do great things or see it as a chance to let loose and live without care? I think it depends on where you're coming from.

There is undoubtedly, an impulse to run wild when we are freed from the constraints of our parents. We live in a strange purgatory between where we no longer feel accountable to our parents, but not yet accountable to ourselves. The amount of time spent in this euphoric state depends on how quickly a person learns to be accountable; i.e. understands that actions have consequences, and that some of the things we do can never be undone. Some of us arrive at this understanding faster than others if we enter into it with an appreciation of the satisfaction derived from hard work and a sense of consequence.

So it would stand to reason that those young people who have been afforded every comfort and luxury without sacrifice or challenge represent those who would see their 20's as expendable. But it could also be argued that those who's childhood has been full of terrible uncertainty and imbalance are equally as likely to continue this pattern into their adulthood. At some point though there must come a turning point. The opportunity to live your fullest life comes for everyone. Many wait until years later in their life to take the higher path, while others never take it.

I may be speaking in sweeping generalizations here, but I think that young people subscribe to one of two camps. Those who see personal achievement as a pain in the ass and a waste of time, and those who see the the potential for joy in setting goals and working towards them. To the former I suggest that real joy in life comes from living in the moment rather than for the moment. They should remember that although having and achieving goals may seem impossible and pointless, the journey that you'll take towards those goals will be full of excitement, fun, and joy that you'll never experience otherwise. Here's the kicker. In a few years you will turn 30, and you can do so with or without having had these kind of valuable and rewarding experiences. In simpler terms, ditch the boyfriend and the late night drunken parties and start living the best years of your life. Experiences like those amount to nothing more than wasted time.

To the woman on the train, whatever the real story, I imagine you in your twenties; meeting amazing people, travelling the world, chasing your dreams, and honoring your youth and your life. To my friend who spent her 20's in a haze, you honor your life by choosing differently for yourself now. To both of you I say that yours are the stories every young woman needs to hear.